Filed under: observations, photoshop | Tags: 3G network, applications, douchebags, Google, Guitar Hero, iPhone
3G. That dumb “I don’t know what I want to eat so I’m going to shake my phone instead” app. Stupid fingertapping music games (and you make fun of people for playing Guitar Hero?)
You like iPhones. I get it. You’re a douche.
iPhones are great. You have Google maps. Which makes you think, “if I ever get lost in a shitty neighborhood, I can take out my iPhone and find my way back.”
Dude, if you get lost in a shitty neighborhood, the last thing you want to be doing is taking out your iPhone. I hope you get mugged.
Filed under: photoshop, stand-up journal | Tags: comeback, Comedy Central, Google, Jo Koy, Lipstick Jungle, puns, screenplay, spam
I’ve been gone for too long.
So long, in fact, that Google thinks one of my blogs is spam. I just got an email from Blogger that my blog “has been identified as potential spam. Please request for a review or else your blog will be deleted within 20 days.”
Yes, I was in a slump. Between attending Jo Koy’s Comedy Central Special live taping and becoming sociopathic when I learned Lipstick Jungle was getting axed, I had my fair share of late night Fridays, walking around town alone, talking to myself. This cycle repeated until I realized that that’s how homeless people go crazy, and more importantly, that Lipstick Jungle isn’t getting cancelled. So I grabbed a medium Pinkberry, walked by a homeless guy, and laughed at his misfortune of not having an internet connection to watch Lipstick Jungle on hulu.
I wasn’t depressed. I just needed a break. So now I’m back, refreshed, and better than ever. This ain’t no weak shit comeback a la New Kids on the Block, either. This is a John-McClane-punches-fighter-jets-and-makes-them-explode comeback. I got a whole new slate of show dates to check out. First one is tomorrow night, Saturday, November 22, 8:00 PM at the New York Comedy Club.
The old Writing a Screenplay in 30 Days is getting moved to it’s new home on WordPress. Recently, the screenplay in question had grown by a page. The new blog is still undergoing reorganization and redesign, so please be patient.
That’s it for now. Big things are a comin’.
…
Pun not intended. Until I just realized it. Then I intended it.
Filed under: great finds | Tags: alcohol, bitch, dials, drunk, emails, facebook, Gmail, Google, incredible spelling, late night, lobsters, Mail Goggles, Maine, message, plastered, tattoo, war
So the last time I got drunk and plastered late night messages on my friends’ Facebook walls, this is what I wrote:
dude, janelle looks like a perverted pedophile in her new picture.
an old man who looks 12 and goes to disneyland to prey on little boys/girls.
It’s an ironic picture, because she probably didn’t mean to do that.
Ugly Betty was filming on 23/26 street tonight. I didn’t see America Ferrera though, who could have been my connection to Blake Lively…
Are you rushing people yet?
Are you drunk?
I’m not.
My bartender today was really gorgeous. I talked to her about her tattoo.
I need to find a new line for girls from Maine. I think I talk about lobsters too much, which is retarded. I mean, who the fuck cares about lobsters? Me. But no one else. And blah blah blah.
You know what’s fucked up? Sean, Ben, Max, Esmond, and Chris (pretty much all my guy friends) have girlfriends. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN’T. ISN’T THAT FUCKED UP? THAT’S RIDICULOUS.
wHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? STOP TALKING TO ME.
Now, let us notice a few things (other than the fact that the message ironically answers the question as to why I may be single). One, I have incredible spelling even while I’m drunk. And two, this message probably would have never happened had Mail Goggles – Gmail’s new feature against intoxicated messages – existed.
Mail Goggles kicks in on weekend nights and forces you to answer a few math questions before allowing the message to be sent. Now, if only they could do this for drunk dials…
“YOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Thank you for calling You-Are-An-Idiot-For-Drunk-Dialing-Since-I-Have-Work-In-The-Morning. This message is being recorded. How may I help you? Homosayswhat!”
“What?”
Then they get sent that message at 7AM to wake their bitch asses up mid-hangover.
