Filed under: stand-up journal | Tags: writing, cockblock, Patrick Dempsey, Made of Honor, 27 Dresses, coke, television, On Demand
I haven’t been writing much. Yes. It’s been months since I’ve written anything substantial. So excuse these next few paragraphs as I rid myself of my own immaturity.
My inactivity in the realm of writing? I blame television.
Actually, it’s not so much television. It’s OnDemand movies, available in completely worthless cable packages. My eyes have been gently raped by an incredibly questionable selection of movies in the past month:
Hot Rod, The Condemned, She’s All That, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Eagle Eye.
I’ve seen Made of Honor five times1.
My roommate–the dastardly one who holds the cable contract–claims I need better self control. Oh, okay. Sure. Why don’t you take a recovering coke addict, drop ten kilos of coke2 in the middle of his living room, and tell him, “Hey man, self control.”
Yes, I just compared television to coke. Do not call me unreasonable. I KNOW what is unreasonable, and what is unreasonable, is any sane man watching Made of Honor five times.
Whew3.
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1) Can you blame me? OMGPatrickDempsey. Excited gasp!
2) Contrary to what you may believe, I have no idea how much 10 kilos of coke actually is. All I know is it sounds like you’d get fucked up.
3) Okay. I think I can stay television-sober for a few months until they start playing 27 Dresses every hour again.
Filed under: stand-up journal | Tags: 30, 30dayscreenplay, April, blog, comedy, days, futile, internet, love, month, NaNoWriMo, national, New York, novel, Orange County, scarce, screenplay, Script Frenzy, writing
Living without Internet.
Other than what should be a complete oxymoron, living without Internet is pretty much the most inconvenient thing I can do to myself. So unfortunately for you, my blog posts have become scarce, and my comedy updates intermittent.
But we’re back, at least for tonight. Since tonight, is a big night. Not only do I have a new video for YouTube (patience…I will post it soon), it’s also April 1st. If there were ever a month that could be anthropomorphically described as a burning pile of whore, April would be said pile.
Why?
Because I’m a bitter, bitter, human being, and I still remember the terrible loss I suffered from last year’s Script Frenzy, a national contest every April where millions of writers join to try to complete a screenplay in 30 days1, duly documented at the original 30dayscreenplay.blogspot.com. Exactly a year ago I began a journey. Thirty days later, I ended up with a magnificent 13 pages. Pathetic. I cried horribly and ate loads of chocolate while watching 27 Dresses.
But that was Orange County. This is New York. Different time, different story. More importantly – less sun, and a nonexistent love life2. This year, I shall so excruciatingly punish Script Frenzy with my furious typing that Script Frenzy won’t know the difference between brass knuckles to the face and its mother’s warm, welcoming teets3.
So go check it out. 30dayscreenplay. The challenge gets taken on for a second season.
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1Brought to you by the guys who started National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo), where you write a novel in 30 days. Sherlock, I think I sense a pattern here…
2Okay, my love life was always nonexistent. But really, less sun this year, less distractions.
3See what I did there? I’m trying to say I’m going to punish Script Frenzy so bad that brass knuckles will actually seem nice, much like its mother’s warm, welcoming teets. I think Script Frenzy may be a cow.
Filed under: financial progress, stand-up journal | Tags: Amy Poehler, ASSSSCAT, Cloverfield, Gutbucket, Ken Jeong, Knocked Up, Pete Holmes, Rachel Dratch, Sam Brown, stand-up, The Whitest Kids U'Know, TJ Miller, UCB, Upright Citizen's Brigade, Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre
Yes. She does. And my weekend ended with me sitting five rows away from it. It plus a just-was-pregnant Amy Poehler. But let’s start from the beginning. The ghost of the-weekend-of-December-19 beckons…
Friday: Was at office. Long story short, Gutbucket was taking place, picked up my shit, and left. Met Pete Holmes and TJ Miller (claim to fame? He played Hud, the guy who held the camera in Cloverfield) on my first trip to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre. Spelled theatre, not theater, by the way. If you spell it theater, they’ll stab you. By “they” I mean the ghosts of 26th Street and 8th Avenue, and by “stab you” I mean they won’t. And with the last two sentences, I just made “long story short” into “long story short completely irrelevant.” I’m not sure why I was surprised they were funny, but I was. Best open mic I ever attended. Good karma, by the way, as I brought the good comedic energy over to my performance Saturday night.
Saturday: Wrote a completely new set…that worked. If I can extract the audio, I will for y’all, since the producer’s camcorder broke again. Thanks Jym, Max, and Lara for coming out.
Sunday: I love Ken Jeong. I love Knocked Up. I love Ken Jeong in Knocked Up. I love Knocking Up Ken Jeong. I Ken Jeong Up Knocked (what the hell just happened)? Until 7:30 PM (what the hell just happened?), when I skipped off to watch ASSSSCAT. Bitches.
Strangely enough, Sam Brown from the Whitest Kids U’ Know was there. Almost as interesting as the time I pissed next to Rudy Gay.
Okay, I’m going to stop posting recaps like this. Not only do I hate these, I’m sure you do too. I almost just do it so I don’t forget what happens. In ten years, I want to look back at this crap and say, “Wow, I did that crap on that crap day.” I’m sure it will be very satisfying. If not, at least I can then force my future children to read it to learn that their father is a horrible writer. It will be a good punishment. “You’re not scared of a time-out? Huh? You wanna read daddy’s blog? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So quit crying. Jerk.”
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Update on financial progress:
Total support to date: 23 people
Previous dollar TOTAL: $8.05
How much I made from 6th Bringer Show: $15
Cost of DVD from 6th Bringer Show: $0
TOTAL: $23.05
Filed under: financial progress, great finds, stand-up journal | Tags: bills, challenge, clutch, hardschool, laughs, opening, punches, set
Everyone always has their eyes on the closer. In a relay. In basketball. In the courtroom.
Clutch.
However, I recently got slapped in the face with the realization that being the opener at a stand-up show is one of the most difficult challenges. I think the only slot that could possibly be worse is the check slot1.
During an opener slot, people are ordering their drinks and figuring out where to sit. They’re catching up with their friends who they haven’t seen. No one is listening. Unless you kick their asses hardschool.
Which is exactly what I didn’t do. In fact, the single big laugh I got that night was my closing statement:
“Well. I prepared a 10 minute set for you guys tonight…but I guess all I really learned is maybe I’m not that funny.”
Nice. There was a crowd of probably a good 100 people, my biggest ever. It’s a shame that it went the way it did, but better sooner than later. I suddenly felt for all the hosts I ever thought weren’t that funny. Well, a lot of them still aren’t, but at least I know it’s not as easy as a normal set. If I ever open again, I’ll know to keep my punches hard and quick to the front. And maybe even throw in a couple of roundhouse kicks. Dangerfield style.
If only I could show this picture at a stand-up performance:
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1 The slot when the waitress comes to settle everyone’s bills.
Thanks Ashwin, Jeremy, and Yooni for coming out and sticking through one of my less glorious moments. At least the rest of the comics had swell receptions that night.
Update on financial progress:
Total support to date: 21 people
Previous dollar TOTAL: $6.95
How much I made from 5th Bringer Show: $15
Cost of DVD from 5th Bringer Show: $0
TOTAL: $8.05
Filed under: financial progress, stand-up journal, video | Tags: audience, cold, crowd, warming up
Cold.
The weather. The comics. The audience.
Last weekend’s November 22nd show had probably one of the slowest starts I’ve seen in a while. After the host and two comics, the audience was flatlining. Then, it was my turn.
I have had this type of crowd before, about two months ago. I chronicled it in Sophomore Dip – an experience that made me realize I always have to be the one in control of the crowd’s energy. So I went out there and got the crowd riled up. New Halloween joke? Make an excuse to have the crowd cheer for Halloween. I’m Asian? Make them pointlessly cheer for being Asian. Yes, it makes no sense, but it’s fun, and it gets the show going. People paid $15 to see a show. Make it worth it.
The show wasn’t the best I’ve ever had, but at least I brought the defibrillators. It was decent enough that I think all comedy clubs should have soundtracks after each performance. I would have loved to dance offstage to “Heat it up.”
Thanks to Mikel, Laura, Jeff, and Andrew who came out to support. I’m glad you guys got to see a decent set. Thanks to two great audience members, Jessie and Kenna (? – Sorry, I might have forgotten your name), who told me, “you were the best comic tonight.”
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Update on financial progress:
Total support to date: 18 people
Total number of people who gave me a high-five after my performance: 1 person
Total number of people who are said, “you were the best one tonight”: 2 people
Previous dollar TOTAL: $26.95
How much I made from 4th Bringer Show: $20
Cost of DVD from 4th Bringer Show: $0
TOTAL: $6.95
Filed under: photoshop, stand-up journal | Tags: comeback, Comedy Central, Google, Jo Koy, Lipstick Jungle, puns, screenplay, spam
I’ve been gone for too long.
So long, in fact, that Google thinks one of my blogs is spam. I just got an email from Blogger that my blog “has been identified as potential spam. Please request for a review or else your blog will be deleted within 20 days.”
Yes, I was in a slump. Between attending Jo Koy’s Comedy Central Special live taping and becoming sociopathic when I learned Lipstick Jungle was getting axed, I had my fair share of late night Fridays, walking around town alone, talking to myself. This cycle repeated until I realized that that’s how homeless people go crazy, and more importantly, that Lipstick Jungle isn’t getting cancelled. So I grabbed a medium Pinkberry, walked by a homeless guy, and laughed at his misfortune of not having an internet connection to watch Lipstick Jungle on hulu.
I wasn’t depressed. I just needed a break. So now I’m back, refreshed, and better than ever. This ain’t no weak shit comeback a la New Kids on the Block, either. This is a John-McClane-punches-fighter-jets-and-makes-them-explode comeback. I got a whole new slate of show dates to check out. First one is tomorrow night, Saturday, November 22, 8:00 PM at the New York Comedy Club.
The old Writing a Screenplay in 30 Days is getting moved to it’s new home on WordPress. Recently, the screenplay in question had grown by a page. The new blog is still undergoing reorganization and redesign, so please be patient.
That’s it for now. Big things are a comin’.
…
Pun not intended. Until I just realized it. Then I intended it.
Filed under: observations, stand-up journal | Tags: breakfast, california, chipotle, empathy, flip cam, fremont, gay, guacamole, gym, heinous, home, humans, improv, jamba juice, rip-off, san jose
Home is where I can sleep until 10 and wake up to breakfast already on the table. Where there aren’t any gay guys in the gym, but rather physically challenged, overweight, and heinous looking humans. Where Chipotle doesn’t cost me $10.25 (and no, it’s not fucking okay that your guacamole is $1.85. But I still say yes because I’m damn hungry and I want my flippin’ avocados). Where Jamba Juice is always less than $5, people say “hella”, “hella gay”, and “Frisco.”
Home is Fremont, California.
It is also where I’ve never done stand-up before and where I’ve only seen one show at Rooster T. Feathers.
When I was still trying to book a spot last week, I thought about my current set. Two jokes are about subway posters and a few others aren’t relevant to people living/working in the suburbs. Ten minutes worth of new material would be due if I were to perform this week, which would be fun and a bit challenging, considering that I haven’t been immersed here for quite a while.
I’ve lived on both coasts of the US and always observed the humor differences over state lines. Somehow, I feel it is an advantage of mine – being able to empathize with different communities may be something I can foster and grow to use as a major weapon while I develop as a comedian.
Tomorrow night, I will be checking out the 2008 San Jose IMPROV Comedy Competition SEMI-FINALS. I’m pretty excited to see what the Bay Area talent can bring, and what styles they’ll be going with. Either way, I’ll write about it and maybe even try out my new Flip Video Cam for you guys.
Filed under: great finds, stand-up journal, video | Tags: analogies, comedy, teacher, Washington Post, writing
Great comedic writing can often come unexpectedly, like from these samples of analogies “collected by High School English teachers.” And by High School English teachers, I mean that these analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest. The entire list of entries can be found by clicking here.
A few of my favorites:
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
I love the use of verbiage to deploy humor. And non sequiturs, which ironically are often best delivered by people who don’t do it on purpose, but just suck at life, like below.
Filed under: financial progress, stand-up journal, video | Tags: big dicks, diners, douchebags, elevators, fries, grammar, handjobs, hatred, high-five, rant, stupidity, subway posters, suits, third person, verbiage, washable chalk, wet hands
Armed with his ranting verbiage and ridiculous hatred for douchebags on elevators, Len Yarea touches upon suits, handjobs, diners, fries, washable chalk, wet hands, subway posters, and big ass dicks. (Okay, quick lesson learned. Never use “big ass dicks” after “touches upon.”)
Anyhow, Len Yarea is ridding the world of stupidity…starting with you (while he continues to refer to himself with first and last names in the third person).
Actually, it’s not really a ranting verbiage. But it should be. And it shall be. One day…
Compare with the rest of my performances and you’ll see the difference a few weeks can make. And by “the rest of my performances” I mean one other performance, that wasn’t even in front of a “real” audience.
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Update on financial progress:
Total support to date: 14 people
Total number of people who gave me a high-five after my performance: 1 person
Previous dollar TOTAL: $6.95
How much I made from 3rd Bringer Show: $0
Cost of DVD from 3rd Bringer Show: $20
TOTAL: $26.95
Filed under: stand-up journal | Tags: Andy Samberg, Asian comedian, audience, black, bobcat, energy, half-Korean, high-five, recap, review, tape, voice
Tonight was a phenomenal show. Not only was I able to balance a decent amount of improv, but the audience just had great energy throughout. Thanks Jen and Val for coming out to support – once again I have surprised a pair of nervous skeptics. For the rest of you who couldn’t make it, thanks for helping me get my time cut short1 and forcing me to do some last minute thinking on my feet for what to cut. I really can’t wait to post this one up for you guys to watch.
As I mentioned previously in Sophomore Dip my last performance wasn’t exactly the best. I got home, watched tape, and didn’t even want to show it. My gestures were distracting. I didn’t commit to my character. I let the semi-tired audience control the tempo. No, no, and no!
So I watched tape again. And again. And again. I edited my mistakes and sharpened my voice, which is still a bit problematic2, but improvement will come. This was Oral Communications as a business major in college all over again (shout out to Professor Hajduk). With all the review, I changed my mentality, went out tonight and ripped it.
After the show, a half-Korean girl named Jessica came up to me and said, “High-five, Asian man! I’m half-Korean.” So I high-fived her, not knowing what “I’m half-Korean” had to do with anything – was I supposed to feel more connected to her as opposed to if she were black? Either way, this marks the first time I have ever high-fived anyone since I was four. And yes, this paragraph is the only reason why I inserted an image of a bobcat high-fiving Andy Samberg.
She got me thinking, though. Should I start introducing myself as the Asian comedian around town who gives out business cards or something? That way people might be able to find me better.
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1If I don’t have 3 guests, I get 7 minutes instead of 10.
2I have a low register and I sound like I talk from my stomach, which isn’t necessarily bad, but I want it to be a little sharper.
