my vocabulary is too small

Living without Internet.

Other than what should be a complete oxymoron, living without Internet is pretty much the most inconvenient thing I can do to myself. So unfortunately for you, my blog posts have become scarce, and my comedy updates intermittent.

But we’re back, at least for tonight. Since tonight, is a big night. Not only do I have a new video for YouTube (patience…I will post it soon), it’s also April 1st. If there were ever a month that could be anthropomorphically described as a burning pile of whore, April would be said pile.

Why?

Because I’m a bitter, bitter, human being, and I still remember the terrible loss I suffered from last year’s Script Frenzy, a national contest every April where millions of writers join to try to complete a screenplay in 30 days¹, duly documented at the original 30dayscreenplay.blogspot.com. Exactly a year ago I began a journey. Thirty days later, I ended up with a magnificent 13 pages. Pathetic. I cried horribly and ate loads of chocolate while watching 27 Dresses.

But that was Orange County. This is New York. Different time, different story. More importantly – less sun, and a nonexistent love life². This year, I shall so excruciatingly punish Script Frenzy with my furious typing that Script Frenzy won’t know the difference between brass knuckles to the face and its mother’s warm, welcoming teets³.

So go check it out. 30dayscreenplay. The challenge gets taken on for a second season.

—
¹Brought to you by the guys who started National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo), where you write a novel in 30 days. Sherlock, I think I sense a pattern here…

²Okay, my love life was always nonexistent. But really, less sun this year, less distractions.

³See what I did there? I’m trying to say I’m going to punish Script Frenzy so bad that brass knuckles will actually seem nice, much like its mother’s warm, welcoming teets. I think Script Frenzy may be a cow.